Heavy Heart

It's been almost a week since Japan was hit by one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded.  Followed by the tsunami.  And now the uncertain nuclear situation.  Of course it is snowing, to compound the misery of the rescue workers and all the people without power, food, and any kind of comfort.  And throughout it all the Japanese people remain calm, kind, dignified.

I feel like we were just there experiencing the kindness and hospitality of the people of Japan.  And since we've returned, when I think of vacations, I can only think of going back to Japan. It hurts my heart to see all the devastating photos and footage that have come out in the past 6 days.

Something that helps is to see how ordinary people rally to try and help.  For instance go to etsy.com and type in the word Japan, and you will get a list that if you dig you will find people donating a portion of their sales to Japan relief.  These are not huge conglomerates, just small business owners doing what they can.

I bought this from such a person from her shop on etsy:

The picture is called Thinking of Home, and the artist Naoko Stoop is originally from Tokyo, Japan now living in Brooklyn, NY.  There is something so sweet and wistful about the picture, it reminds me of being homesick when I lived in England.  The picture is $20 with $10 going to the Red Cross Japan.  While there browse her other pictures, all will take you back to being a kid and the wonderful ways you would fill the hours of the day.

Japan, I can't stop thinking about you.  Thank you for teaching the world a lesson about grace in the face of disaster.

I wish this was MY name.....

MACKIE MAKAPANPAN.

OMG I can't stop saying it.  I think it's spelled with a C but I have deliberately misspelled it so that if he/she googles him/herself, it won't lead him/her to my blog, and thereby leading me to be fired, as I came across this person's name in the line of work last week.  Not that I should be fired for loving a name so much.  I just worry that this post may be construed as sarcastic and that said person might think that by saying I LOVE his/her name, I am actually saying I DO NOT love it.  But I DO love it.  Man I wish it were my name.

If it were my name, I could name my blog MackieMakapanpan.com and start a Mackie Makapanpan Empire.  I don't know what that empire would consist of, but it would be awesome.

But since it's too late for me,  after work that day I asked Dave if we ever have a kid if we could name him/her Mackie Makapanpan Mun.  He said no.  So then I asked how about just Mackie Mun.  He said WHAT THE...NO.  I said but it's my DREAM to name my kid Mackie Makapanpan Mun, and he said how can it be your dream, you never even heard of that name until today.  

Well, guess what smarty-pants.  If we have a kid I get a year off for maternity leave.  SO, you might think your kid's name is Dave or Ashley or whatever "normal" name you come up with.  But all day long while you're at work, I'm going to be calling our kid by his/her SECRET REAL name--Mackie Makapanpan (Mun).  And you'll be wondering why he/she never turns around when you call him/her by what you THINK is his/her name.

I win (again).

Sometimes when I should be working...

I have email conversations like this with my friends....

________________________________________

From: Alison Choi
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2011 3:51 PM
To: Shin, Sue Jean
Subject: Re: Re:

OMG - I just saw a HUGE RAT RUN ACROSS IN FRONT OF ME. I THINK I'M GOING TO PASS OUT

---

From: Shin, Sue Jean
To: Alison Choi
Sent: Thu Feb 24 15:54:45 2011
Subject: RE: Re:

OMG GET OUT OF CHINA TOWN.

Sue Jean Shin CFA
Underwriter
Executive Liability Canada

---

From: Alison Choi
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2011 3:57 PM
To: Shin, Sue Jean
Subject: Re: Re:

I just saw it as I was FINISHING EATING IN A RESTAURANT

---

From: Shin, Sue Jean
To: Alison Choi
Sent: Thu Feb 24 15:59:10 2011
Subject: RE: Re:

I don’t endorse bulimia but go stick your fingers down your throat in the bathroom…..OMG not the bathroom in that restaurant though….OMG why are you eating in a restaurant in China town????

Sue Jean Shin CFA
Underwriter
Executive Liability Canada

---

From: Alison Choi
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2011 4:17 PM
To: Shin, Sue Jean
Subject: Re: Re:

I WANT TO MOVE TO ANOTHER CITY. I NEED THERAPY.

---

From: Shin, Sue Jean
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2011 4:18 PM
To: 'Alison Choi'
Subject: RE: Re:

GO GET PIE

Sue Jean Shin CFA
Underwriter
Executive Liability Canada

If I could, I would do it for you, would you do it for me?

I used to do it regularly, but I can't anymore.

I used to donate blood every three months.  I did this for around 3 years I think.  Then, I can't remember what year it was, 1999 or 2000, I think,  when Canadian blood services implemented a rule that you can't give blood if you lived for 3 months or more in the UK during a certain time period.  I did my masters degree in the UK and lived there for 10 months.  I would send Dave as my proxy, and let them tap his veins but he also lived in the UK for 5 months for a work placement.  So it totally sucks that neither of us are eligible.

I'm a very squeamish person in general, but I really felt like blood donation was something everyone who could should do, even if it's just once ever.  I would come out of the clinic and feel great and slightly superior to the people I passed on the street.  "I saved a life today, what have YOU done?".

In Canada, it's really easy to donate, you set up an appointment at one of the 41 permanent collection sites that the Canadian Blood Services operates.  Before you do that it's a good idea to see if you are eligible to donate here.  There is also a page that gives you an idea of what to expect.    It barely hurts when they put the needle in and from there you just wait for your bag to fill.  I was always on the slow side, some of the bigger guys would be done in like 20 minutes.  From start to finish, including questionnaire, hemoglobin check and donation, we're talking about an hour.  AND they give you cookies and a sugary drink like Tang afterwards.  YUM!  I'm not sure what the procedure is in the US but you can find the information here.

During my dad's surgery, he needed 2 units of blood and he needed another 2 units while he was in the ICU.  I'm very grateful to all the people who made those donations which helped save my father's life.  And I like to think that the donations that I made in the past helped to save someone else's parent or child or grandparent or friend.

Will you think about donating?  You would want it to be available if someone you loved needed it.

Leave me a message if you have any questions.  It's been a while since I've been able to do it, but I'll try and find you the answer if I don't know it.

Was it the prayers or the swears?

How to summarize the last two and a half weeks.....

It sucked.  And then it got better.

After the surgery my dad was in the ICU for 3 days, hooked up to bunch of machines, he had 4 or 5 IV needles in his arm, giving him blood, drugs and whatever they give you when you're not eating.   My mom and I would stay in the room during the day and have a mini heart attack whenever the machines would start beeping.  It was pretty scary, my dad was really weak and in so much pain after the surgery.  But by the 3rd day, he was eating regular food (well hospital food) and able to sit up, and moved to the regular ward.  And from there he could slowly get out of bed and sit up in a chair on his own (doesn't sound like much but it was a big deal).  When he could get up and walk a little on his own, we were able to go home and it was exactly a week from his surgery.

Now he is at home and a nurse comes by twice a week.  He still has to take painkillers but he is mobile and getting better, and getting adjusted to the new him.

Things I've learned in the past couple of weeks:

• hospitals smell
• I think they put bleach in the hand soap
• some nurses are super nice and some nurses are super mean, most fall in the middle where they kind of don't give a shit
• living with no internet at my parents house is like living in the land before time
• after almost a week with no television or outside news, I turned on the TV and the first thing I found out was that Oprah has a half sister
• doctors do have crazy bad handwriting--at our last appointment with my dad's doctor he handed me a piece of paper with some scribble scrabble on it:
• DR:  Give this note to the nurse the next time she comes to see your dad
• Me:  Sure, what should I tell her it says?

Thank you again to everyone.  I don't know if it was the prayers or the swears but it looks like we are on the road to being cancer survivors.

Take that Cancer.

Time flies when you dread tomorrow....

I wish I could freeze time.  Then Thursday would never come, it would just be Tuesday forever.

Why is it that time drags when you are waiting for something good, like the end of the work day, the weekend, or a vacation and then time flies when there is something awful in wings, like an exam, a root canal, and when your dad has to has to have his bladder removed.  

Things I've been thinking about the last few weeks when I haven't been able to sleep at night:

- Running away with my dad, changing our names and hiding out somewhere in South America where Cancer can't find us.  Like witness protection.  Sending word to my mom and Dave when the coast is clear and my dad is safe.

- Wishing Cancer was a person so I could kick the shit out of him.  I only say him because I don't think I could kick the shit out of a woman.  It would probably be easier, but it just seems rude somehow.  Having never kicked the shit out of anyone before, I'd probably have to train.  I think I'd ask Georges St. Pierre to train me.  I know he's busy doing his own man-grappling training, but I think if I told him I wanted to beat up Cancer he'd probably help me.

- Making mental lists of people who deserve to have cancer more than my dad.  Murderers, rapists, pedophiles, Kim Jong Il.  I know, I get it, life is not fair.

- Logan from Veronica Mars.

Thank you for all your messages, phones calls and emails.   Your words of encouragement and support have come at a time when I have felt more afraid, sad and desperate than I ever have.  

If you pray, please pray for my dad.

If you hope, please keep your fingers crossed.

If you speak, say Fuck you Cancer once out loud preferably where someone else can hear you.  That's for me.  I like swearing and I hate Cancer.  Trust me, it will make me feel better.

Okay.  See you on the other side.

Veronica Mars

So I'm a bit behind, this show was on from 2004 - 2007 but I just got all three seasons of the show about 2 weeks ago.  Since then my life has been Veronica Mars, all waking hours, 64 episodes.  Seriously, I'm talking every waking moment that was not spent at work.  Good thing we don't have any kids or pet fish because I surely would have forgotten to feed them.

The first two seasons focus on solving a big mystery over the course of 22 episodes, while solving a smaller one during each episode and I think that's why the show never got the traction it should have.  If you missed an episode, you would be lost on the clues to the big mystery.  The third season dropped the big mystery arc, and focused on the smaller ones.

I can't say exactly why I love this show so much.  The characters are smart and interesting.  The dialogue is hilarious. The plot lines are engaging but sometimes maybe a little more tangled then they had to be.  In both seasons 1-2, I was totally surprised by "whodunit".

I think the one thing I have to say really impressed me is that there is one character that I really loathed at the beginning of season one, and then, I can't pinpoint exactly where it happened, maybe midway through the season, I totally fell in love with (if you've watched you know who I'm talking about, and if you haven't you have to watch to see what I mean).  And when I say impressed, it's that the writers were able to take me from one point to the other without me realizing it was happening until I was there.

Kristen Bell is so super cute its ridiculous.  She really makes the show worth watching (her and aforementioned character I love).

Anyways, it's too late to join in the letter writing campaign to save the show, it was cancelled after the 3rd season which is very bittering as it left a lot of loose ends.  The show creator said that the decision to cancel the show wasn't made until the after the last episode was shot and although they knew it could happen they didn't want to tie everything up neatly in a bow to make the show easier to cancel.  You know when you watch a movie on the plane but the plane lands when there are 15 minutes left?  That's how I feel after my 2 week Veronica Mars marathon.  BUT I still think everyone should watch this show.  There has been talk of a movie which would be amazing.  In fact Warner Brothers have set up an email where you can send your requests VeronicaMarsMovie@warnerbros.com.  I will be sending them an email soon.  Yes, I'm a dork.  FYI, I love dorks.  FYI, I don't think Dave likes it when I say that.  Because if I love dorks and I love him then maybe A=B and he is a dork.

This Youtube video is really funny.  Chris Lowell doesn't join the show until the 3rd season in case you are confused as to who is is.