11.9.11

10 years ago today.....

I remember a day that started like any other.

When you work on a trading floor, your day starts early, so we had already been at work for at least two hours when suddenly Linda Park on our FX desk yelled out "SOMETHING JUST HAPPENED AT THE WORLD TRADE CENTRE".   Linda worked pretty far from where I sat and I had never heard her voice over the general work buzz up to that point in the full year I had been working there.

I remember every single tv screen on the floor suddenly, almost magically, showing the smoking North Tower.

I remember thinking "What the fuck is going on?"  I remember asking "What's going on?" (after only a year there I was too shy to swear) and getting the answer "No one fucking knows."

I remember for once the phones were silent on the trading floor.  For once EVERYONE was silent on the trading floor.  Standing and looking at the televisions.

I remember seeing the explosion when the second plane hit.  And the audible sound of hundreds of people gasping at once in a room the size of a football field (well smaller, but you get what I mean).  Because of the camera angle, I don't think we saw the actual plane hit, just the explosion.  The news informs us what happened.

I remember at some point overhearing someone say quietly "Barkway is there."

I remember seeing the first tower collapse.  I remember thinking it was a movie, the news teams were showing clips of a movie, what would happen if the towers collapsed.  But it was real.   I had just seen one of the twin towers collapse.  And half an hour later, as if to emphasis that this is real, the second tower collapsed.

I remember crying.  I think I was the only person in my immediate area that was crying.  And when one of my clients called and I picked up the phone I was crying.

"What's wrong?" Hermenia asked after hearing my voice "Are you okay?"  I knew in her office she wouldn't have had a television so she obviously didn't know.

"The world trade centre collapsed, the buildings are gone," I told her through sobs.

"Oh My God.  Let me call you back."  She didn't call back.

I remember Mike Fisher yelling "GO HOME.  EVERYONE GO HOME.  THIS DAY IS OVER."  and then adding for emphasis "EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE."  I will remember that until the day I die.  "Everyone get the fuck out of here" indeed.

I remember passing people on my way home to the subway, on the subway, on my walk home from the subway.   People who didn't know what had happened.  People who didn't know the world had changed.  People who wouldn't know until someone said to them "Hey did you hear what happened?".  That someone would not be me.  I walked home shellshocked.  As soon as I got home I called my cousin Judy in New York and could not get through.  I tried once every half hour, as I watched the news on my cable-less tv.  Around two o'clock Judy called me, the phone rang twice to indicate long distance and I remember thinking "Thank God" before I picked up the phone.  "Did you hear what happened?" is the first thing she said.  "Where is everyone?" is the first thing I said, meaning her brother, her mom and dad.  Fine, everyone was fine.

The following weeks, everything is a blur to me now.  News and more news.  Families looking for their loved ones, holding on to hope, posting flyers - the flyers break my heart.  A casualty count that only got larger.   A funeral for a wonderful colleague lost, a proud husband and father with another baby on the way.

We learned about true evil on September 11, 2001.  But out of the tragedy, came stories, many many stories, of bravery, of selflessness, of kindness.  People who sacrificed their own lives to try and save strangers,  who carried people out of wreckage on their backs, people who worked around the clock in the aftermath in the hopes of finding survivors.

On a day we learned about the worst humanity had to offer, we learned about the very best that humans are capable of.  The true definition of hero came out of the rubble of that day.  I still read new stories that bring tears to my eyes - 10 years later, there are still stories to be told.

I remember.

5.9.11

The other New Year's day....

Maybe it's because we're programmed with the first day of school in our formative years, but Labour Day always feels more like a New Year's day to me than January 1.  Maybe because through 18 or so years of education, Labour Day always signaled a new beginning, new teachers, new classes, new notebooks, a time when you couldn't be behind on anything yet because you hadn't started yet.   And though I haven't been in school for many years, it still signals the "real" end of summer (really September 21?  You are the end of summer in name only.)

Dave had to work today so I had the day to myself.  I didn't do much.  I watched 3 movies Definitely Maybe (which i had seen before but didn't realize I had until about midway through, obviously not a great movie), The Town (pretty decent), and Love Actually (an older movie I never saw but was pretty good) all while knitting these:

The pattern for these can be found here

Yes I know it's September.   Here's the thing.  Dave and I have never really done that much for Christmas.  Once we had a New Year's party and when people came over they were like "Um, where's Christmas?" - because we did not have one decoration up.  It literally could have been July, that's how bare our house was.  Truthfully, not to be a grinch, but I think Christmas is for kids.  As it has just been Dave and I, it hasn't been necessary to go through the whole tree/decoration thing in my eyes.

This year however, our nephews from NJ are going to be coming up for Christmas so that changes everything.  Hudson will be almost 3, kind of the magic number for Christmas don't you think?  Plus, I gotta make Canada Christmas as good as American Christmas in his eyes, so I feel like a have a responsibility to my country to make sure Hudson doesn't go home thinking Canada Christmas sucks.  Jonah is going to be 14 months, so I'm not worried about impressing him.  I think the wrapping paper from Hudson's presents should suffice.  Seriously if you've ever seen Jonah, he gets all happy and smiley if you even look vaguely in his direction - you don't even have to look directly at him.

So Dave and I are going to have a tree for the first time.  Never had my own tree.  It will likely be the fake one from my parent's house.  I don't see the point of cutting down a tree (yeah yeah, pine tree smell whatever whatever), and yes, I realize making a fake tree is probably equally harmful to the environment to produce.  But as I am using a tree that my parents already own (and won't be using - see, I come by my feelings for Christmas honestly), I feel fine about it.  I've always said when I had my own tree, I want only handmade ornaments on it.  Not counting the lights.  And the candy canes.  Hence, the Christmas crafting Labour day.  So far our tree will be barely not naked.  But it's only September right?

Any suggestions for handmade ornaments?  Leave me a message with any links.  No suggestions using pasta pieces, ok?